Who will decide?

What is life?

Never ending quest to find what is right or wrong!

How do we know what is right?

And who stops us and says, careful, that is wrong.

Trying to figure out right and wrong is like an unsolvable maze.

A step forward with the thought that this seems like the right thing to do and the very next moment, the world is upside down, ohh or may be, we are upside down. And then there are times when you tip toe to avoid the slightest error and all you land up is in a great mess.

And sometimes what looks like a jumbled up picture turns out to be perfectly balanced chaos.

So we are again back to square one, WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG? And WHO DECIDES WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG?

Life is a cumulative result of our choices. Some choices we appraise ourselves of and some we don’t even want to acknowledge. The good ones give happiness that loses its spark but the bad one’s give guilt that probably lasts a lifetime.

We get praised for our choices that turned out great. But we never are applauded for the bad ones. We forget at times that, it’s hitting the rock bottom that makes one soar higher up. Nobody ever flew higher than cloud 9 (pun intended). 

An average person makes as little as 15 decisions a day, sticking to the trivial ones like bathing, eating, working, etc. Some decisions we make at spinal level. But they do still count. With time we get used to making the harder ones too, but then there are ones that leave us jolted. 

I’m a 30 year old human, and having made one lakh sixty four thousand two hundred and fifty choices till date (15 choices/day on an average), I still find myself meddling with my own head. It’s truly said, behind every calm face, there’s a mind that’s constantly at war. As you move ahead in life, the choices you have to make only keep growing. It’s like a video game, every next level will demand you to gear up. 

Before beginning to write this, I had too many questions myself. What am I feeling exactly? What do I want to write? What is it that I’m trying to pen down? What is that…. (A long pause, but no words to end the question) You see, this is what I mean. We’re all confused. No matter how much we try to pull the facade, but there’s an unsettling quest inside all of us.

After having these unflagging thoughts, and some unsettling emotions, all I want to say is, it’s okay to continue the quest. It’s okay not to know what is right and what is not, straight away. It’s okay to have the luck to have made the right choice but it is also brave to have made the wrong choice and then continuing to make it right. Life isn’t a Google search and the answers will not appear on the screen within seconds. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to not know. We’re all in the same boat. Nobody has it all figured out at the same time. 

So, don’t be afraid to make choices. May it be right or wrong, you’ll definitely have something to take from it.

Until when?!

I've often heard people saying, I'd be happy once i achieve  my targets. With one done task,  we force ourselves unknowingly to the next one. It's like a video game, even before the happiness of clearing a level is relished,  the next one begins. 

Are we really aware; we have enslaved ourselves, into the pursuit of finding happiness only at the next level? 

The next job. 

The next house.

The next car. 

We believe happiness will arrive once we achieve our goals. And eventually,  we keep setting goals to achieve happiness. And when goals are not achieved,  so is happiness not!

We have intricately laid the bearing on our achievements,  of our very happiness.

How right is it?

When did we become so asthenic and torpid about the idea of happiness? 

Running in the rat race.. 

Facing the odds.. 

Coming to term with the failures.. 

Bearing the wearisome life.. 

If you ever feel like,  where did all the happiness vanish;

Just lay back and give yourself a moment.. 

The good sleep you had. 

Waking up to the face of your loved one. 

Brewing and sipping that perfect beverage. 

That long drive. 

The music that stirs your soul. 

Book that left you longing for more. 

The little kid you made faces at. 

The hand you held with love. 

Lap that  you slid in for comfort. 

The beer and the philosophical talk. 

Every little thing that ever made you smile is,  happiness!!

We often forget enjoying the little things in life,  longing for the big ones. Well, we can walk a mile, but can't jump for a mile. Learn to be patient with yourself and your life. The flash light brings in more light, but we don't have it in our houses all the time. We need constant moderate light for a healthy being. Same ways, don't keep expecting yourself  to be on the top of everything, all the time. A little moderation is required. Rather I'd say, moderations interspersed with little bouts of excitement,  that's  what a balanced life is. 

Until when,  will you keep running for the destination called happiness? 

Stop.. 

Because,  happiness is a journey, not a destination!!

Everything right, the wrong way..

Life, is a mystery indeed. And it becomes a lot more mysterious and unfathomable when we try to bring together science and literature.

I’m a doctor, a preacher of science, which means, I believe in everything that is logical and can be proved.

But at the same time I’m a theist too, which means, I believe in something which neither can be seen nor it’s existence can be proved. My belief in the unseen force is way more than my faith in science, because there are times, when after treating my patient, my hands come close and my eyes shut, praying to the unseen force to bestow it’s mercy on my patient. 

Why is it so?

Is it a compulsion?

Am i being superstitious?

Or

There really is a guiding force?

I will not give a name or a figure, to the immense power that governs this universe. But there is something which syncs everything. And our religion, tries to inculcate our faith in this unseen force, by giving it different names and shapes. I don’t promote idol praying. But the force, the immense unflagging source, that harmonises this universe, doest exist. We have the logic behind the creation of our universe - the big bang theory. Science can prove a lot of things, and i would like to believe in facts more than fiction.

But for a second, if we just think, putting aside all the logics, there is still an element within us that believes in bhagwan, and is a guiding force for quiet majority of our acts. May it be birth of a child, or wedding, buying a new house or first day at job; we all somewhere pray god on these occasions.

Over the years, with ongoing evolution, our belief in the unseen is weaning.

The aterocities that we face are also ever increasing.

People smile a little less,

lose there temper a little too quick,

rushing to conclusions,

mercy is less of an option,

love is more of comfort and less of selflessness,

actions are less righteous and more of what is easy to forego.

After facing these harsh reality, that we practice everyday, let’s go back to the deep indian abundance of knowledge and wisdom, our vedas;

The Ramayan and The Mahabharat.

Ages ago our ancestors left for us an entire list of do’s and don’ts.

Their experiences and their learning of the same.

They gave us the wisdom to lead a happy and blissful life.

Do what is right no matter what the condition.

Do justice in entirety.

Love selflessly.

Be dedicated to our work.

Respect the elderly.

Care for the young, etc. 

To sum it all up, it was called “DHARMA” - something which imparts enough knowledge to pave path to a life that is worth remembering.

Today for us, the word “DHARMA” has very limited meaning of either hindu, muslim, sikh, christian, etc.

Did our ancestors really teach us this meaning of dharma that we are preaching?

WE ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT, THE WRONG WAY.. 

We call ourselves the modern generation, but are we doing it all appropriately?

When did believing in the good go out of fashion? 

When did doing things the right way become mediocre?

There is no HEAVEN or HELL, No YAMRAJ to take you after death, or any DEVA to bless you or punish you for your deeds. This is a finite life, none of us is immortal. Neither of us have any VARDAN or SHRAP. Neither are we here to recreate the history to reform new RAMAYAN and MAHABHARAT.

Newton’s third law of motion - “Every action has a reaction, which is equal and opposite”

Now if we combine this with what our vedas teach us,

Do good to seek good, can be easily understood.

What our vedas teach us is not a fiction, it’s just the way of life; the path to which science is yet to discover.

BE SPIRITUAL, NOT RELIGIOUS!

ROSE or THORN?

OR

ROSE WITH THORN?

CHOICE IS YOURS..

“Good”

This word is instilled in our heads from very childhood.

See good.

Do good.

Feel good.

Behave good. 

Everything should be good all the time, that’s our basic nature of thinking. 

But did anyone ever tell us that it doesn’t always shine bright and that it might rain heavily sometimes..?

There will be times when the things go wrong,.

There will be a bad hair day,

There will be food being spilled on clothes,

Driving the wrong way,

Ringing the wrong doorbell, and so on.

Being too engorged to seek the goodness out of everything, we forget, there are two sides to the coin. The moment we see bad in a thing, our first reflex is to be disheartened and then decide to abandon it altogether. Yes, we have all done this, a couple hundred times. Well, I’ll not label this as a wrong behavior because that’s how we we are programmed to think. 

With everything that we come across, we get to see either sides of the coin.

Riding bicycle is fun, but getting your knee bruised accompanies.

A hot cup of coffee is fun, but the chance of burning your tongue to ecstasy ensues.

Winter is fun only till you don’t wither yourself to cold.

Summer is fun with sunbathing and ice creams only till you get knocked down with sun stroke.

The point is everything will be GOOD at some point of time but it can also be BAD at some other time..

You can’t keep the good without holding the bad. Being scared of the bad we don’t back off from trying different things.

Same goes with the people in your life. Not all days will be full of happiness and laughing till your stomach hurts.

There will be days when people will make mistakes, there will be breach of your expectations,  tears in eyes and resentment ensues. We begin to detach and decide to give up on them.

how fair is it?

We’ve kicked our mothers a hundred times in her womb,

We all might have wetted our fathers pants by peeing on his pants,

We’ll might have smashed our sibling’s heads.

We all have done wrong, yes, over and over again, but we were never abandoned being labelled “wrong”.

Everyone and everything goes wrong at times,

doesn’t mean we give up on it..

May it be a dream or a person,.

Patience and acceptance is the key to happy life..

To only seek the good in everything itself is “WRONG”.

When you decide to pluck a rose from the garden, you don’t plan on plucking the thorns, but they’re inevitable.

That doesn’t mean you don’t pluck roses.

So.,
ROSE or THORN? or ROSE WITH THORN? 

CHOICE IS YOURS.. 

The light at the end of the tunnel!

In a world where people seem to be moving at the speed of light,
where success and victories define people,
where materialism has outgrown emotions,
where waking up everyday just to achieve something,
where proving yourself better than the others is the only agenda on the list,
WHERE AND WHEN ARE WE ACTUALLY LIVING?

Amidst this RAT RACE, there are times when we are absolutely lost.

Nothing seems to be working out,

life seems messed up,

when our world seems crashing down,

when all the plan A's fail,

when in a fraction of a second, our entire existence seems worthless!!!

We question our own very existence. Series of doubts coalesce, a chain reaction occurs, and we drown ourselves in our own miserable thoughts. We curse ourselves, curse the fate and the destiny too.. We be too hard on ourselves trying to work things out. We keep choking our souls with the sins we have never committed. The picture in our heads of how our life is supposed to be, kills us. We want everything to work according to our plan, like we are the architect of our own lives.

There is something very mysterious about our generation.

There are too many sad eyes on happy faces!

We, yes WE, need to take life, one day at a time. Understand that every question in your head will be answered, BUT just not right now. Anything and everything we want will get to us at it's perfect time. The perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect life partner will all manifest, but at the RIGHT TIME. Trust the timing of your life. Sometimes, we might not get what we want, but we will be surely bestowed with "WHAT WE NEED", because..

No matter how dark it might seem right now,

There will always be a light at the end of the tunnel..

Feeling of giving up, yet not wanting to lose! 

Waking up everyday with that expression of "oh shit, I'm late. Rush. How will I finish the rounds and dressing."
Getting through the day with the "advice list", trying to accomplish as much as possible, yet missing on certain things which were really crucial according to Seniors, but we being mechanical workers, seemed to have missed it.
The morning and the evening rounds and then when the day seems to have ended for the world, some part of the day is still left for the first year.


Those advices after the evening rounds and informing, the CTall, those little things like tapping a liver abscess or getting the vericose Vein marking done,  and the worst part - "undone morning advices".

The moment Seniors leave the ward we like hullicanes sit and feed ourselves. The time of the day when all the colleagues sit together and along with meal, we have our stories to share and we laugh out our hearts.

Those are like soul cleansing sessions of the day.

Everyone has their own unique story. No matter how bad the condition might have been for that particular person, but while narrating the incident it somehow becomes the most hilarious thing on the planet.With the session ending, some heads would have already started drooping and some would have regained super powers to work.

With the subtle balance of feeble headed and super power armed force, we begin with the night advices.
Someone would be taking samples. Someone would be writing CTall. With music in the background the work continues.

Adding to the sweetness, we have those very keen and enthusiastic relatives of the patients.
They share an ultimate level of empathy with us. Because no matter what work we do, May it be right or wrong, they see us working day in and day out; So for them we are like super humans (haha it's difficult for us to digest that too).

Seeing our heads drooping they offer to get us tea and coffee from the tea stalls. Often they sit with us and talk and that somehow keeps us awake for a little longer. There are times when we ask them to set an alarm and wake us. And trust me, they're so righteous, you might forget but they won't forget to wake you.

Also, I've had this very peculiar finding, "the safest place for your belongings would be - the patients relative." they'd keep our stuff like it was some great treasure. I remember leaving my belongings here and there and later the relative coming to me and returning the stuff saying madam you left it there, I found it so I kept it with me.

When patients leave they tend to give so many blessings and when they come for follow up they'd get their local snacks and sweets.

Those late night birthday celebrations.

Those parties for every "First time done things".
Being bombarded for doing shit and being praised for the good things done.
The senior who would have yelled half an hour back, that very senior teaching you some very crucial life lesson.
From a terrible emergency day to the pre emergency day, the journey is like that of a waxing moon.
You're being pampered and tormented at the same time.
You're learning new lessons and giving away old notions.
Every second you're loosing something yet the same moment you're gaining something more precious.

Amidst this journey of loosing and gaining somewhere the first year resident learns all the lessons.
There is this feeling of giving up yet this little moments of happiness wouldn't let you give up! 

YOU v/s YOU

We've heard of - India v/s Pakistan.. more recent one to mention as IPL is going on.. SRH v/s DD. and many more.. these are once in a while type of matches. 

But what about the match that we fight daily?
The war we are at inconspicuously?
The battle we ourselves are sometimes unaware of?

And this battle is, BATTLE WITH SELF.. YOU v/s YOU!!

 I'm sure we have all experienced this feeling of being raged with self. Having an inner turmoil. Hurricane of emotions rushing through our blood vessels at lightening speed. The times when we seem to have developed a barrier to our senses because of the emotional conflict within.

The rhetorical questions
"what will i do"
"how will I make it happen"
"how will things fall into place"
Series of self doubts nibbling our mind and heart simultaneously.
What is it that disturbs us so much??

It's the despair..
The conflict between MIND and HEART.

The discrepancy between "what you feel and what you think".
Ultimately it's YOU v/s YOU.
The situation is difficult to handle because, being a referee to someone else fight is easy; but being one to your own is a great deal. 

HOW CAN YOU DECIDE?? 
At one moment your inner voice says THIS and then a little later it says THAT.
At one moment you want to revolutionize the world and the other moment you want to just lay in bed.
You feel like forgiving them as you love them but then you also feel like ripping their head off.
You might feel like quitting it altogether but then you're reminded of what made you start it in the first place. 
No matter how much help you try to seek from someone, but it doesn't seem to help. 

We've always been told "trust your instincts, they never lie". But what if the instinct is a little drunk and drives you nasty??
What if you're being too hard on yourself?
What if the solution is right in front of you, but the mental fogging makes you blind?
What if you could've chosen a path easier, but you choose to torment yourself?
Why do we choke our soul with the sins we never committed?



WHY DO WE ALWAYS PRESS THE SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON??? WHY??

Life is being hard to everyone of us all the time.We need to love ourselves enough, to not hate ourselves when life throws lemons at us.

What if you'd be going around with someone for 10 years and that person doesn't show up on the wedding day?? 

Devastating isn't it?

Life has millions of unacceptable things for us every now and then.

Things will change. 

Change is the only constant.

Something which isn't variable is "YOU".

People will come. 

People will go.

You'd be the one who's gonna stay with you.

So, LOVE YOURSELF..

SO MANY PEOPLE,

SO MANY SHADES.

NOBODY STAYS,

EVERYONE FADES!

Life is like a merry-go-round. Sometimes up. Sometimes down. We do good. We screw it up too. But that's how we are. TO HUMAN IS TO ERR.. The cards will always be new. It's you who has to decide how to play the game well.

I can give you a hundred instances of how people are suffering more than me and you. And, trust me at that very moment you'd realise, you're blessed. I've been coming across such situations and so, I curse life less. 

Everyday is beautiful.
Everything is beautiful.
Everyday is good.
If the entire day is not good, some part of the day will definitely be good.
Don't overthink things.
Everything that happens, happens for a reason.
And no matter how shitty you fell at the moment, it's gonna take you to a better place some day.!

What is Normal???

It's so normal to hear the word "NORMAL".

What normal exactly means?

Well, the dictionary states - "conforming to the standard"

So the next question which arises is, What is a STANDARD? and who decided that it is standard?

We have a very finite definition of normal. If I start asking the normal levels for various aspects to random people, I can demonstrate skewness, asymmetry, crookedness, in the views.

We use the word NORMAL so frequently that at times it becomes futile to have even used it.

Everybody has their own unique NORMAL.

Yes, indeed it is true. 

The definition of normal is different from person to person.

My NORMAL might not correspond to your NORMAL.

Having differential standards of normal is neither a great deal to understand nor a matter of concern.

For example,

Getting inked might be normal for some, but it won't be the same for others.

Drinking alcohol is normal for some, not the same for others.

Getting married at an early age is normal for some while pursuing career and attaining stability and then getting married is normal for some.

Using swear words is normal for some, while it's a taboo for others.

These are very trivial things.

When it comes to major issues, there too, the normality varies.

Leaving your parents is a crime for some, but some parents happily let their children move across cities or even countries to pursue their career.

Getting a divorce might not be normal for some, but letting yourself free of a toxic relationship is normal for some.

In very rare instances we find that the NORMAL of one person fits in the NORMAL of another.

And when the NORMAL of other person doesn't match the standards of our normal, we become judgmental and label them as ABNORMAL. 

So, now the question arises, WHOSE NORMAL IS ACTUALLY NORMAL??!!

Well, the answer to this is, when we have billions of people in the world, we have billions of opinions and point of views.

There is no protocol to have all the normals united.

"Opinions are meant to be discussed,  not accepted and argued upon!"

YOUR NORMAL MAKES YOU A UNIQUE PERSON.

IT'S A REPRESENTATION OF YOUR OWN IDENTITY.

AND SO, YOU NEED NOT DECIPHER SOMEONE ELSE'S DEFINITION OF NORMAL AS YOUR OWN ABNORMALITY.. 

We get deceived too often when we are being judged for thinking out of the box, or doing something extraordinary, not abiding by the norms of normality.

We don't shame flowers for being too little or too big, too short or too tall, too pink or too red, we just embrace them for their unique beauty.. Why don't we start doing it with ourselves.??

YOU ARE NOT THEM.

YOU ARE YOU.

SO THINK LIKE YOU.

Last message after discussing normal is that, "Being someone's limited edition of normal is no fun"

STAY TRUE TO WHAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE UNIQUE, YOU'RE IRREPLACEABLE...

The Feeling of Being Loved

What do humans need?!
Well, if I ask this question to you, what would your answer be??

Probably the answer could be that humans need-

• Money
• A good job
• Settled life
• Life partner 
• Kids 
• Luxury trips or 
• May be a relaxing weekend.

The list could go on and on and on, am I right? It's very popularly known, there's end to a man's need but there ain't an end to his greed.

A person's list would have that one thing on the top which he needs the most at the moment.

If someone asked me this same question, being a student my answer would be I need an admission to a good college. If someone gives me an admission  to the best college possible, yet after sometime I will start feeling something missing in my life. something else will pop-up in the need list.

When I asked "What do human need?", I wanted some genuine replies rather than something that satisfies the senses. No matter how much you achieve in life; name, fame, wealth, power;

there will still be something leaving you wanting for more. 

AND.. that element is- 

              "THE FEELING OF BEING LOVED"

YES, the feeling of being loved;

no matter how clumsy you might be,

despite of all the darkness in your life,

above all the wrong deeds that you might have done,, is the most satisfying feeling.

Ohh yes, when I say love, you might have had the picture of the love of your life in your mind. Our generation has a very limited definition of love. There are numerous people in your life who love you, but their love is not significant enough for you. The love you get from them is what keeps you going.

Think about the innumerable things your mother does no matter how much you trouble her,

That priceless advice from your father,

The annoying yet very comforting care from your brother,

The love you get from your sister.

Showcasing love doesn't always mean saying I love you.

Sometimes it comes in different forms like-

• I'll buy some food for you
• Please drive safe
• Give me a call when you reach home
• You must be tired, I'll make you a coffee and so on.

Adding to this the love of your life is like the cherry to the cake.

Now suppose if you're given a Great Job, a Big House, an Expensive Car and everything that you could have thought about in your wildest dreams. But the deal says you could have all this only if you give up on being in contact with the people in your life. Well, it seems very tempting initially.

May be one would say it's easy, it's fun to lead a life on your own. But,. this might go on for a couple of days, may be months and if you're strong enough then may be for an year. Eventually the things which seemed to be glamorous, would suddenly begin to loose it's charm. Those very things will start exhausting you and choke your soul.

So, coming back to the point, why did this happen even when you were bestowed with anything and everything you once wished for.

WHY??

The answer is,

Because those inanimate things CAN'T HUG YOU.

They CAN'T WIPE YOUR TEARS.

OR HEAR YOUR STORY AFTER A BAD DAY.

THEY WON'T TALK YOU TO SLEEP.

THEY WONT CALM YOUR SOUL.

After loosing your dream job, or breaking up with your love, or loosing a family member, one can still recover with the love and care from others. No matter how bad of a day you might have had, but if you have someone by your side, you could still fall asleep keeping aside all your worries.

Basically, despite of being with you, they won't be with you.

So, in the end, it all comes to love..

LOVE and THE FEELING OF BEING LOVED

The feeling of being loved is the most crucial thing that one needs. 

Putting to test, if a doctor could actually blog?!

Hey.

It's very evident from the description that I'm a doctor. A young one though, but always wanted to pen down things that doctors might have had in their overkilled heads.  

It's very often said that a diary is a person's best friend. Yes, indeed, many of us will agree with this. None of us ever wants to share our best friend with anyone. But here I'm, ready to share it. Just like the animate best friends, a diary beholds zillions of secrets and has lived with you through all the moments. 

I also have this habit of writing diaries, not the typical ones though. I've had this habit of jotting down the most intense of the emotions- may it be ANGER or the feeling of LONELINESS or deep passionate LOVE. 

I don't intend to always brag about doctors and their lives. I will come up with ALL THE HUMAN EMOTIONS, THAT ONE FACES IN THEIR LIFE TIME.. Yes, some of my posts will be only pertaining to doctors but it will be fun for the non medicos too.